#29 Why So Hardcore Malaysia?

I don't know if you've heard about the whole Alvivi affair, on how they posted a picture of them wishing Muslims to break fast with Bak Kut Teh, full with the words "Wangi, Enak, Menyelerekan" and Halal logo next to it. No doubt it was probably meant as a joke. But it was perhaps a joke gone too far. Now, Alvin and Vivian are sitting in prison (having been denied bail) and awaiting trial in August. If found guilty, the face up to 15 years in jail. Can you imagine - 15 years in jail for a bad joke. Not so funny eh?

Popular sentiment seems to be that they deserve it. It's one thing for you to post sex pictures of yourself on the internet. But it's another to mock other people's beliefs.  Far from being ignorant and naive, it seems obvious that they knew exactly what they were doing. It was intentional. Do they deserve 15 years? I don't think so. But definitely, some punishment is due. The issue here isn't about freedom of speech. It is about being aware of other people's feelings. You are free to say what you want. But that also means you take responsibility of what you say, including the hurt and damage it causes to others.

But a brief note to the police and government - while you are at it preparing your charges against Alvivi, kindly also haul up and imprison those guys that stomped and threw a cow head into the Hindu temples a few years back too. Because that was no less insulting either. How come they just had to pay a fine? Oh, lets not forgot those guys who threw petrol bombs at churches too. If Alvin and Vivian deserve jail, so do they. In fact, they deserve much harsher punishments compared to Alvivi, because those were public and violent in nature. Furthermore, they were done in groups! Here you have Alvivi - lone ranger duo sitting in jail for a stupid joke they made while those organized group of extremist gets a slap on the wrist for being a naughty boy.

Here's the thing - since when did Malaysians become so hardcore? Why did Alvivi feel it was OK to make such a deliberate insult? Why did those guys feel justified throwing petrol bombs at churches. Why? Did stomping all the cow heads seem OK?

Since when did Malaysians have so little empathy for each other? Muslims the world over got angry at the Prophet Muhammad caricatures a few years ago. Surely they understood how it feels to have something holy to you be insulted. So why insult others in the same way? And Alvivi, surely they knew how sensitive these issues of Halal and Puasa are here in Malaysia. So why make such a joke? If you wanted attention, you sure got it now.

I don't remember Malaysians being this hardcore when I was growing up. It feels as if we have taken many step backwards as a society. I always felt that we were a progressive society. 'Moderate' was the term always thrown around when describing our country. But now, it seems Malaysians aren't as moderate anymore. Think of Bersih 1,2,3,4, the Lynas protest, the black parade. All those who went to the rallies wanted to make a statement. They wanted to be heard. But they felt that the ONLY way it would go through would be by doing something dramatic, something extreme before others will even start to listen them.

That's what it all boils down to doesn't it? Malaysian have forgotten how to listen. We don't know how to empathise with our neighbours any more. We don't feel like others understand us either. And so we feel compelled to make ourselves heard - in whatever way we can think of, like stomping on a cows head, throwing petrol bombs, marching in the thousands and even making inappropriate religious jokes on Facebook.

Alvin and Vivian do deserve punishment. But punishing them will not solve the problem. They aren't the problem. WE ARE. .Because we created them. They are the ugly product of our insensitivity.

In some ways, we are a mini little Arab spring in the making. People shouldn't feel the need to do something crazy just to be heard. Before that happens, we really need to start shutting our mouths a bit more and start listening to one another. How about that for a national reconciliation plan.

#24 Dear PM

Dear Prime Minister,

I'd like to tell you - I voted for you.

No, not for you personally in your constituency. But your constituency candidate where I was part of in GE13.  I did this despite the fact that the Opposition candidate actually seemed more appealing to me. I did this despite the fact that almost every single person I spoke to (including my family) were telling me to do otherwise - saying it was time for change, it was time to show the government that they can't just do what they like without suffering the wrath of the people. I did this despite being confronted with countless examples of corruption and poor governance by the government. Yes, at the risk of being called a fool, I voted for you.

See, unlike everyone else in the demographic group that I belong to, I wanted to give you a chance to make good of all the 'janji ditepati' posters you've been slapping all over town. Most people I know are cynical of your ability or even intention of keeping those promises. They tell me that even if you wanted to make progressive reforms, your party people will never allow it - not with the millions of dollars at stake for them. They say you curry favor and support by splashing money and opportunity at them.

Honestly, I'm sick and tired of all the political coffee shop talk that's been going on the past few months. I'm sick and tired of hearing about phantom Bangladeshi voters, I'm sick of hearing about corruption charges. I'm sick of countless mass rallies calling for 'ubah', touting 'ini kalilah' when in fact, 'kali in sudah lepas'. It seemed like many people my age were supporting opposition simply because all their friends were doing so. To do otherwise would risk being shunned and ridiculed.

It was my feeling that many people were calling for change just for the sake of change. Ubah can.. but ubah to what? Where is your roadmap? Where is you policy and plan? How is it better than the government's? Who is your proposed cabinet line up? It was my deep suspicion that the top leader(s) of the opposition were charismatic smooth talkers more than anything else. Abolish toll? Free education? Great! But they conveniently left out how this was going to be achieved without driving up deficit, how toll companies will have to be compensated to break the contract, how income tax would probably go up if education is fully government funded. I was not given any solid, well grounded, level headed reason for why I should vote opposition. All I got was a lot of rhetoric and hot heads make sweeping statements that basically go "Bloody government corrupt. Steal the people's money for themselves and screwing the country." It felt more like people just wanted to vote against the government, rather than vote for opposition. I understand why people are angry. Public office should be about serving the people, not about money and power. But Malaysian politics have become all about money and power. And you, the BN who have been in power since independence must take responsibility for that.

You must reform the government to be more accountable - no awarding of jobs to your own people, no inside deal on government contracts. You must strengthen public institutions - Election Commission (EC), Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC), Courts and the Media must be given full and genuine autonomy to carry out their roles. You must stop drawing racial lines among the peoples of Malaysia - as peaceful and prosperous as we are, we are still being polarized by race. Why is Utusan putting racial headlines and getting away with it?  My constituency was majority Malay, but the candidate you chose (a Malay) still lost to the opposition candidate, (a Chinese) What Chinese Tsunami? Why not middle class Tsunami? There can be no place for racist policies or practices in government and public office. Long lasting social change comes from top down, not bottom up. If even the government condones racism, then surely the man on the street will never change.

Dear Prime Minister,

I dislike all these street protest and mass rallies going on. I doubt the intentions of the leaders going up on stage preaching to the crowd, telling everybody exactly what they want to hear, all in the name of gaining political mileage. They are like wolf in sheep's clothing to me. But I do not doubt the hundred of thousands of ordinary Malaysians who decide to go to such rallies. I do not doubt the 5.486 million Malaysians who voted opposition. They have a right to exercise their opinion. And they certainly have a right to demand a clean government. You see, I want change just as much as they do. I want justice, transparency and integrity in government just as much as they do. It is what all Malaysians want. The only difference is, they don't think it can come from you. I still hope it can. That is why I voted for you. People tell me I am wrong. People tell me I am naive.

But you now have four years to prove me right.

Please make good use of it.

#23 A Brave Death

Thursday afternoon, I got a call from a friend. My old college mate, Mario was dying. He complained of a headache just a day earlier on Wednesday morning. Made his way to hospital but by afternoon, he was in a coma. Doctors said something about his cancer spreading to his head causing internal brain damage. Chances are, he will not recover. It was just a matter of days.

“ What cancer?” I asked.

“The cancer he’s been battling since early last year.” came the answer.

I was embarrassed. I had not kept abreast with the ongoings of many people I used to know.

“Can you come?” asked my friend.

“Not now. I’m overseas. I will see him as soon as I’m back.”

“Hurry..”

Over the next two days, I thought about just what I could possibly say to Mario, literally on his death bed. It has been at least 4 years since I last saw or spoke to him. I had no idea he went through countless facial reconstruction surgeries last year to remove the cancer on his cheek, or that he couldn’t talk for three months. All I know was that he was one of those cheerful ones. The kind that seemed to carry jokes with him everywhere, spreading laughter as he went. It seemed a cruel twist of fate to mute such a person.

The plan was to visit him on Saturday. But by Friday night, I still had no idea what I was going to say to him. But it didn’t really matter in the end. Mario died on a Friday afternoon before I ever had the chance to see him.

On his Facebook wall, the endless post of encouragement and support gradually turned into words of condolences.  An hour later as I was driving home, a text message came in.

“Mario passed away.” said my friend.

“I know.”

“His funeral is tomorrow night. Shall we go together?” said my friend.

“OK… See you then.”

Over the next two days, as I went through the details of the last years of his life and death, I realize that there was so much more to this man than I ever know from college.

I learned of his great courage in facing this rare but fierce cancer that hand literally consumed his life overnight. Even as he was going through chemotherapy, he refused to give in to sadness, insisting that having cancer doesn’t mean you stop laughing. His mother told him to pray to the Goddess Guan Yin to heal him, but he refused. He said that if he prayed and Guan Yin healed him, it would not be fair to others who deserved it more. He would not ask for intervention from God if this was his fate.

“He is no longer in pain. My son is in a better place now.” said Mario’s mother with a smile on her face at the funeral . I had never seen a mother grieving for her son with so much peace and acceptance in her eyes.  I guess Mario inherited his courage from his mother.

He was my age, born just 2 weeks before me. And yet here he was, lying in a wooden coffin. It felt surreal staring down on him through the coffin glass. The embalmers did such a good job that if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was just in some deep sleep. I stared at his face, half expecting him to suddenly open his eyes to give me one of his trademark grins I often saw in college. But he was most assuredly gone. It was the reason we were all there in the first place. Silly me.

We sat around and watched as the priest burned paper money, paper houses, paper cars and a myriad of appliances, as offering to Mario in his afterlife. A friend joked that we should burn a few mobile phones too. He was always a gadget geek. Mario would have appreciated it. I nodded with a smile. On the day he died, Mario left behind his parents, his two younger sisters and dozens of friends who would forever miss his jokes and banter.

It amazed me to listen to what people had to say about him after his passing. I was reminded again that ultimately at the point of your death, you will be loved and missed not for your abilities or achievements, but for the love and joy you impart to those you come in contact with in your life. In death, I also found new respect for him. He had faced death with a kind of dignity and courage that I can only hope I will have when my day comes.

The service ended around half past ten. We said our goodbyes to each other and one last goodbye to Mario. I headed home and hugged my wife, just a little tighter, just a litter longer that night.

May God’s grace and mercy descend upon you. Rest in peace Mario.

#21 GE13

So it’s finally here. The 13^th General Elections for Malaysia. Within the next 60 day, candidates will be chosen, campaigning will commence and at the end, a new government will be chosen. Or not.

It is probably one of the most anticipated elections in the short history of this country. Heck, I found out about it first from a Singaporean who called me immediately after he found out. Just goes to show how hotly anticipated it has been.

I remember posting about politics just a few weeks ago.

In the last election headed by Tun Abdullah the government won but only barely. 5 local states were won by the opposition and Government failed to win the two thirds majority in Parliament. In the one before that, also headed by Tun Abdullah the government won in a landslide. In fact, the biggest landslide it had ever won by. People said it was mostly from the feel good factor after Tun Mahathir retired. In the one before that (bare with me ok), we saw one of the most highly charged elections, with the Asian financial crisis looming large,  Anwar Ibrahim freshly thrown out of his No. 2 seat straight into jail and the Reformasi movement at its peak.

This time, we have Najib heading the Government into elections for the first time. You can definitely tell that things are different today that how it was in all the past elections.

 The government isn’t as popular as they used to be, that’s a given. They don’t have an iron grip on the propaganda battle field like they used to. Independent news portals, blogs and easily accessible international media reports have meant that voters of today have more sources and more sides to the same story to consider than they did in the past.

This has obviously not worked to the governments benefit given that most independent news sources seem to be pro-opposition despite their claims of neutrality. People believe unverified negative reports more readily than they do verified positive facts. Scandals, conspiracies and drama also make for a more interesting reads than boring economic and job statistics. I guess the Opposition has been much more effective in using these than the government. Not that the government was just going to take it without a fight. The last few months have seen a slew of sex scandals, corruption charges being made against opposition leaders too. It became a tit-for-tat mudslinging battle even before parliament was ever dissolved.

In some sense, this is good for the people. Mature democracies like the US rely on allegedly free and independent press to keep their politicians in check. One can always argue that there is no such thing as a truly free and independent press, but that’s for another post. At least with the presence of a ‘free-er’ press, politicians will try to keep their records as clean as possible, or cover their tracks better. Assuming that politicians chose the former over the latter, it raises the bar for political integrity in the country. If they chose the latter... well.. that's why we have jails right? In an ideal world, in trying to be the better candidate, politicians should be more concerned about keeping their record clean, rather than slinging mud at each other’s face. 

In other sense, it can also works against us. Freedom is always a double edge sword. A more vocal and free media also means that everyone and anyone has the freedom to say whatever they want, even if they are not true. Sure we're all entitled to have an opinion. But just because you have one, doesn't make it a good or valid one. Disgruntled people used to complain that a restricted media meant that we listened to lies from one party, the Government all the time. Well, a free-er media probably means we will now have to listen to 

 The burden falls back to us, the voters. It is up to us to try and sieve through all the lies, deceit and false allegations made by both sides and determine which is the better one. Or at least chose the lesser of two evils.

Whereas in the past, we could still claim that we were never truly given choice when it comes the government we could vote for, the same cannot be said today. The opposition of today has more well grounded momentum than they have before in the past, especially in urban areas. The idea of them forming government isn't as unlikely as it used to be. People seem to be a lot more politically aware (and opinionated) than I remember in the past.

There is also a new generation - my generation of young adults who will be voting for the first time. A generation that weren't around during the independence, social contracts and or riots from the 50's to 60s, nor the economic boom of the 70's to 80s. We were around during the 90's and the economic downturn. We were around during the turn of the millennium, when Malaysia slipped behind from being one of the tigers of ASEAN to the 'also ran', falling behind Indonesia and Thailand. But we were kids back then and didn't really have a say. 

Now that the time has come, we all have a chance to participate in making this decision. Do you believe in the current Government? Do you trust the Opposition? Who do you think has the nations interest at heart? Which is the one selling you popular lies and which one truly has the means to government?

Democracy has its own idiosyncrasies. The beauty of it is that everyone has a say. Every persons vote counts. But it also means that every persons vote counts, even the idiots. If you live in a society where the majority of people are level headed, intelligent and mature, democracy shines. But if you live if a country of filled with bird brains..*shivers* perhaps dictatorship isn't so bad after all. 

Maybe the bigger question this time isn't about what kind of candidates they are, but what kind of voter we are. 

#19 An Insta Society

We live in an 'instant' society. 

Just look at the world around us. At work, emails are expected to be read and replied within days if not hours. Deadlines given are short and numerous. People expect information and services to be furnished to them on a plate instantly.

In society, people flock to fast food restaurants  Any order taking more than 15 minutes to arrive is too slow. People people feel compelled to share their thoughts (or pictures of their food) on Facebook or Google+ immediately, via their always connected smartphones. Bills are paid, money is transferred, items are purchased all at the click of a button. Everything is instant. Even the latest social media craze is called 'insta'gram.

We now live life at breakneck speed compared to how life was just 10 to 15 years ago. 

Ironic that even with all this 'connectedness' and instant responses, many of us (or at least I) hardly have time to meet up with anyone any more. Social media helps people cope with that in some ways. You always have that option of scrolling on your friends Facebook wall to see what has been going on. But I have always been somewhat uncomfortable with that.

We trade in connecting in the flesh with our friends, person by person with 30 minutes of conveniently looking at our newsfeed. It feels like social media has become an inferior supplement to our social needs, in the same way store bought multivitamins have become inferior supplements to our nutritional needs. Ideally, you should derive both the same way - from the real thing. But we don't. We inevitably do what's quickest and most convenient given our busy schedules. We simply cannot afford, or refuse to wait. 

That's the thing about waiting isn't it? It feels more like a hindrance instead of a passage. Let me say that again - hindrance instead of passage. 'All good things come to those who wait', people used to quote. I hardly hear anyone say that anymore. Patience has become a rare virtue indeed, if still a virtue at all these days. I hear complements for quality, efficiency and effectiveness. But never a complement for patience. 

Is there no place for it in this world anymore in this 'insta-society'? 

#17 Politics

In a month (or two), 15 million Malaysians will be heading out of their homes to their nearby voting stations to make a decision : who do I want to run my country for the next 4 years? It's a no brainer for some, it's a tough one for others. After all you only have 2 choices - government or opposition.

But politics are one of those things that split people right down the middle. Over the past year, if people are not reminding me that the current government siphons off billions of dollars for themselves and likes blowing up women at golf courses, they are telling me about power crazing opposition people who like sodomizing boys young and old alike and making men and women queue separately at the supermarket.

Regardless of which camp you are, you always think the guy on the other side is a dirty, lying, corrupt bastard. Then you hear other people talk about your guy, and you realize perhaps he isn't quite as perfect as you thought he was. Suddenly, this isn't about choosing between whose better anymore. It's about figuring out whose worse. In the end, we all throw our hands up in the air and declare the honest truth - all politicians are liars.

But of course they are liars. What did you expect? After all, we are the ones that make them liars in the first place.

Holding our vote ransom, it is the people who often demand promises of  better roads and infrastructure, free education and healthcare, higher income and high employment rates, while at the same time keeping taxes low and inflation at bay. We want government to be transparent, efficient and benevolent with no corruption. We expect competent and qualified people to be put in charge of our country and bring it to greater heights, but we insist they must be selfless and noble, taking home an income no more than what an ordinary employee should. These demands are normal. But what's normal isn't always reasonable. Better education, infrastructure and good governance cost money, which means more taxes. Better business and economic prospects always come with inflation. Hiring good and qualified people is always going to be expensive.

And that's where the lying often starts. A man lies when he realizes he needs to in order to achieve his goal. And in the case of politicians, the people he is trying to serve becomes the people he needs to lie to. People make unreasonable demands in exchange for their votes, and politicians give them unreasonable promises to secure it. Later, when reality comes crashing down on everyone, we crucify the politician - the liar who duped us all into thinking he could make a change. But it was us who put him there in the first place. We chose him over that other guy - the one with the unconvincing campaign who promised higher taxes, lower wages and inflation through the roof.

We often feel like its an impossible choice - choosing between politicians. We hate that we have to choose between two liars. But even if there was such thing as an honest politician, we have given them a hard choice too - tell the truth and be shown the exit, or lie and then do your best later. If all politicians are liars, it is because the ones that were honest have all been booted out by us for saying the wrong thing - the truth.

I admit this cannot just be broadly applied to all politicians. There are those who go into politics for the money and power, there are those that are genuinely trying to make a difference in society. There are those who will grab, cheat, lie, steal and loot the country the first chance they get. And there are those who feel the burden of service in their hearts and act upon them, trying their best to do what's right for their homeland. At least that's what I would like to believe.

It will always take a bit of crazy for people to believe they can do great things. Climbing Mount Everest, running a 100km marathon, and yes, even running for public office. You need to believe that something can be done through you while all others have failed. You need to believe that you have something extra that others don't. Some people consider that 'extra something' confidence, some consider it talent and some consider it charisma.

This election, I hope the people elected into office will all have a different kind of extra something in them - integrity. Or maybe that's too much to ask...  

#16 Valentines Day

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#13 The Power of Introverts

 I couldn't stop nodding my head as I watched this video. When it finished, my other half looked at me and said "That is so you."

Many things pointed out here hit right at the bulls eyes for me.

I only realized I was an introvert as I moved into my teens. I slowly learned that I preferred to keep most of my true feelings to myself. My feelings were something that was incredibly personal and private, and not something to be easily paraded and conveyed to others. It was like a precious little secret that you were generally quite selective about who to share with. After some social time, I always wanted to be alone for a while to recharge. I enjoyed devoting my time to close friends, I enjoyed deep discussions and I most definitely expressed myself better in writing.

But at the same time, I also always envied and admired those who were bold, expressive, and in the words of the video above, 'alpha'. I've never ever felt 'alpha' in my life - always feeling overshadowed or out done by people who seemed so much more confident and smarter than me. My father was one of those extroverts, or so I thought. He seemed to always be the centre of attention when I grew up. He was charming, funny and a great conversationalist. I admired him and wanted to be like him. I guess every boy wanted to be like his father. 

I never stopped being an introvert, but as I went through my teens, I slowly crept out of my shell. Like what the video says, the world looks up to extroverts. The world expects us, especially men, to take charge and lead. I learned how to handle conversations with friends or groups, I learned how to talk to a girl without blushing or panicking. I got reasonably good grades, I participated in sports and I even did public speaking and debates. I learned how to do everything the so called 'alpha' was supposed to do. But most subtly, I also learned how to pass off as an extrovert, even though deep inside I was still very much an introvert.

This is true even until today, because even the person closest to me - my wife - observed that I was very very good at steering all sorts of conversation with people without ever having to reveal my opinion or feelings if I didn't want to. Only a direct question, asked with resolve and purpose and patience would make me reveal them.

There is this quote attributed to Socrates that goes “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”. I'd bet a pretty penny Socrates was an introvert, and so was my father.

Introverts like me feel the need to share and express themselves just as much as any extrovert. The difference is probably that the extrovert will share with anyone that is willing to hear it while the introvert will share with someone that wants to listen to it. There is a very easily missed distinction there. We want to talk to people we know want to listen to what we have to say. Otherwise, we'd just rather keep it inside.

Introverts are inherently better listeners. We are acutely aware of who listens and who doesn't. We notice right away when someone isn't listening We are mindful when a conversation involves you doing all the talking and me doing all the listening. Not that we'd tell you so - introverts remember?

If you know an introvert that listens to you rant and whine all the time, or if you have a confidant whom you go to when you feel you need to let some things out, know this - they have things they want to share too. They listen to you because they care about you. But don't forget that there are times that they need to say something too. They want to be shown the same kind of care and attention they are giving you.

The difference is, they are waiting for you to ask them about it.

Trust me on this. I know because I'm waiting too.

#6 To The Yuppie In You

To The Yuppie In You  

Hey you yuppies everywhere, 
Expensive shoes and designer wear, 
I know you’ve been around, 
With friends in high places abound, 
You know all the pubs and bars, 
met all the celebrity and stars, 
I’m sure it feels pretty nice, 
wearing all that bling bling and ice, 
What’s that? Went to Paris on a cruise? 
You’re right – everyone should have a private masseuse. 
What bliss it is, living the high life. 
Not bothered with troubles, hardship or strife. 
You bought an iPad? Must be useful, 
or is it there just to make you cool? 
Ah, you've got Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, 
Nice, but frankly I don’t give a damn. 
Save your breathe, 
I’m not impressed, 
I’ve got better to do,
Than to hear you talk about you.

Just a little something I wrote for fun.I find myself increasingly surrounded by yuppies of late. They annoy me in a certain way, due to their complete lack of down-to-earth-ness. But they also scare me in many ways, because I'm terrified I unconsciously become one of them (if not already).

#5 Your Not So Special Wedding

So did you hear about Lin Dan's wedding? It's considered the wedding of the century in China apparently. Ten thousand white roses, one thousand guest, ten florist, two diamond rings and one very expensive wedding dress. And you thought Will & Kate was gonna be the only grand wedding this year. 

It's that time of the year again - wedding season - where if you are of that age, everyone around you is busy throwing their dream wedding. A time where the women turn Bridezilla and men turn,well....poorer.

I just attended a wedding (ever so slightly less grand than Lin Dan's of course), which from what I saw, was very close to becoming a disaster. Poor planing, poor coordination, and a bridge on the brink of a meltdown that threatened to ruin it all. Fussing too much over the small details, not communicating with everyone properly, throwing tantrums, I was amazed the wedding went through. 

But on the back of this, I do feel compelled to say a few things to all the potential bride-to-be's out there.

Firstly, don't fret too much. And secondly, just smile and be happy. 

Yes you plan and plan. But despite even all the best laid plans, things always do get a bit haywire the nearer your wedding looms. It's just how things are. Stay calm. Learn to let some things go. It's OK if the cards aren't perfect. It's OK if the flowers aren't the right colour. It's OK if the guest arrive late. Don't bother changing dresses over the banquet dinner because frankly, no one cares. In fact, you will find that no one cares that much about your wedding beyond your spouse, your immediate family and closest friends. To everyone else, this will be the 5th wedding in 4 weeks they will be attending. 

And just in case you think that's all the more reason for you to throw the grandest, fanciest, most memorable wedding compared to everyone else this year - save it. It is folly to try to even go there. Even if you manage to make it out of this world, someone already has or will beat you to it. Someone out there will already have hosted the perfect beach, garden, ballroom, outdoor or pool side wedding, grander, fancier, more luxurious and more awesome than yours.

People (here at least) are generally quite forgiving of things. They won't complain if the food was cold, or that the ballroom was dark, or that the band was lousy. They come not because they think they are in for a treat. They come because they want to celebrate you and your spouse. And to them that simply means - shut up, don't complain, smile and be happy for them. Which is exactly the same thing I'd like to say to the bride-to-be - shut up, don't complain, smile and be happy. It's a day of celebration. So show everyone that you are celebrating. You're suppose to act like you've just won the lottery! (erm... not that the odds of you getting married was that bad). The best wedding's I've been to are the one where both bride and groom smile and laugh the most will all their guest. Their happiness is so contagious that even you even start feeling less guilty about eating one more bowl of shark fin soup. 

Here's the thing - in the grander scheme of things - none of it matters. Your wedding isn't that big a deal.  Most people will have forgotten whose wedding they attended by Christmas. Sorry, that's the truth. But that's also a good thing. You see, a great wedding isn't the same as a great marriage. People only see the wedding. Not many get to see the marriage. And plenty of marriages fall apart, regardless of the wedding cost. It's sad that people spend tens of thousands of dollars getting together then forget that the rest of the 99% is about staying together. 

If you ask me, take that money and go on a month long holiday just the two of you. Backpack in Europe or climb the hills in New Zealand or bungee jump from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco - anything that will become a powerful shared memory between the two of you for the rest of your life. Something to be called upon during hard times, when you forget when you married this person in the first place. Who cares what your aunt Rose thought about the wedding band.

You may think this is just another guy trying to give men another excuse to worm their way out of paying for a proper wedding (and you wouldn't be very wrong). 

But look at it this way; you don't need convince anyone of how special your wedding is. It probably is not. 

But you do need to be convinced on how special your husband is. He probably is. So celebrate that. 

 

You are marrying him for a reason right?