Breakups are painful. They say it feels almost like mourning for the death of someone. You go through the same stages of grief as any other person dealing with a great loss – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Only, something elsse makes it more complex. In death, the dead person doesn’t (or isn’t supposed to) still stroll around town, post Facebook messages or exist in your realm anymore. In a breakup, the relationship is lost but the 2 people that constituted that relationship is very much around. You mourn the loss of your relationship, then half of that relationship, your ex, calls up to pack his / her things from your place. It’s a weird feeling. In a way, the relationship haunts you even when it’s no longer there and just adds to the pain even more.
Breakups are messy. Even if there are only 2 of you, it’s messy. Everyone around gets hit by the aftermath. After all, when you first started, everyone around you had to consciously make provisions for your partner. They offer you encouragement, affirming how great a girl/guy your partner is. Now, they have to find a way to console you, convincing you how its not that great a loss. From finding a real catch, everyone now tells you there are plenty fish in the sea.
I guess its also a strange feeling. You mourn the lost of your relationship, but somehow the two of you who made up that relationship is still around. In a way, it haunts you like some restless soul still lingering around even after its supposed to be gone.
But breakups are a part of life sadly. Not every relationship will end with 'till death do us part'. Most will not in fact. I know most women (here in Asia at least) take it very badly when the man they lose their virginity to doesn't turn out to be the man they say 'I do' to. They feel like they've been left with the short end of the stick when it all breaks apart. After all, what did HE give up? I'm just another feather on his cap now. Another name on his list of 'conquered women'. I don't know if that's a fair statement. I am inclined to believe that men take it just as hard as women, though we deal with it differently. Man or woman, any genuine relationship would have involved both parties investing in it emotionally. And when it breaks, it’s gotta hurt no for both sides.
But breakups are good too, in a way. I do believe that there are couples whom, despite all their best efforts, are genuinely not right for each other. Relationships are as much about companionship as they are about love. So if even after years of trying, two people still seem to struggle to love each other or enjoy each other’s company, then something isn’t right. You relationship is supposed to uplift you, give you strength, provide you with refuge. It is supposed to be one of those rare constants that you are allowed to hold on two when everything else in the world is changing before your eyes. Instead, a lot of couples find their relationship becoming something that is holding them down, or diminishing their identity, preventing them from becoming who they were meant to be. And when that happens, you start to resent you relationship instead of embrace it. If you cannot find a way of being in a relationship and still maintain your sense of self identity, it's either your partner isn't right for you, or you aren't ready to be in a relationship. Either way, a breakup wouldn't possibly be a bad idea.
I think breakups happen more because people fail to build on companionship, rather than because of a lack of love. Almost every person I’ve spoken just after a breakup has told me that despite the breakup, they still love the other person. Yet just that love alone simply wasn’t enough. They just couldn’t find a way to be with one another, be it due to difference in values, priorities, religion, family objections or whatever. So much for love conquering all.
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