It's been a while. Sorry that I have not been keeping in touch. I could give you a whole range of reasons why - but the truth is, it simply hasn't been on my mind.
What's new? Oh, nothing much. Managed to finish reading a few good books, met up with some old friends. Oh yes, I have a son now. How about that for a life changer eh? I named him Jonathan. He's a handsome little boy. Has his mothers eyes. I've never been particularly fond of babies. I've been known to call babies ugly or uncute when I see one. I call it being honest. Others call it being mean. But when I look at him, my son, I swear - he's the most beautiful thing I've ever set my eyes upon. It's probably a parent's bias, but seriously, he's the cutest boy on earth. Jen tells me she's seeing a whole new side of me she's never seen before. I think she likes making me change diapers.
I realize that babies have a certain effect on people. People are drawn to babies. It makes them smile and warms their heart just gazing upon a baby. Every time one of my friends holds our newborn, a certain tenderness can be seen in their eyes. A nurturing, loving attitude automatically comes forth when a baby is in your arms. Personally, I start to understand first hand what it means to have a father's heart. I feel in my own heart, the kind of love that you heart people say parents have for their children. When I stare into his eyes and see him staring back into mine with not so much as a blink, my heart melts. Staring at you is pure innocence, in the form of your own flesh and blood. I know there isn't anything I wouldn't do to protect this child. Maybe that's what Jen sees when I'm holding him in my arms.
Another things I have noticed. With the arrival of Jonathan, some friends have become closer to us, while others seem to become more distant. I cannot say why this is so. Only that it is. Some friends visited or called immediately, eager to catch up on all the details, share in the joy and shower the little one with all sorts of gifts. But others seem to deliberately stay away or distance themselves. Even some that I used to consider close and intimate friends - stay far far away, extending nothing more than a one line facebook comment. It makes me sad it a way. I've never been one to have many friends. The few that I have, I try to cherish. You invest time, effort and care into the friendship, hoping that it builds into something meaningful and lasting. But not all reciprocate it. Honestly, I do feel used sometimes. People like seeking me out when they have problems. They share with me, perhaps hoping that I would be able to give them some sort of insight to help them. For the most part, I love listening and caring for them. It makes me feel close, wanted and cherished by them. I never want them to stop sharing with me. But sometimes, just sometimes - I wish they'd look for me, not just when they have problems, but also when they have some joy to share. I want to be your friend, not your on call counsellor.
Anyway, enough from me for now dear friend. I started writing a letter to my son - things my heart is bursting to tell him whenever I look into his innocent eyes.. It's unfinished. It's been taking me longer that I expected. But I'll let you read it when its ready.
